driving matters (right?)
Have you ever considered buying a used campervan in a foreign country? ok, let me clarify: aside from all those still recovering from their acid-tripped ’68 adventures through the moroccan essouara, chasing hendrix’s infamous castles made of sand?
well regardless, i’m sure i’m not the only one to dream about living in a campervan at some point in life. ever since my grandparents introduced me to their decked-out and pimped-up 84 ocean-blue chevy, i’ve always had a distant itch to scratch that campervan kind of living.
to be honest though, buying a car is hard work. ok, so it’s not like developing a successful NGO or saving children from carpet factory work, but it takes a lot of determination and savvy skills. after a couple of weeks of hunting down the right van (and still searching), i’d like to share here a few of these skill sets and knowledge that you must have when embarking on this journey:
1. knowing that 1 human year is like 7 car years. according to world statistics, there are an increasing amount of elderly cars being driven as the world demographic of automobile manufacturing changes. faced with this reality, the young generation of drivers must be conscious of the fact that there are way too many shitty rust buckets out there. (comment not meant to offend the real elderly in any way)
2. understanding that unlike an authentic antiques store, when you shop for an antique car, you’ll probably be sold something that’s closer to an antique than you even anticipated. for the 90′s children out there, consider this a bonus, since you’ll learn what it means to roll down a window using your arm and that power steering is what keeps you safe and your parents’ premiums low.
3. remember that the only thing cooler than buying a campervan is driving one with a surfboard on the roof rack. make no mistake, surfing is still the coolest thing a white person can do. make sure that everybody knows that you’re a part of this club, instead of just an average campervan enthusiast with a high tendency to celebrate fossil fuels on long road trips. unload the rack and hit up those barrels.
4. don’t sweat the small stuff: certain things are minor details. find a healthy balance instead. some people don’t know how to find this balance; we call these people “detail-oriented” and will ultimately have a stressful experience in the end. for instance, things like the condition of the motor, oil, suspension, transmission, radiator, tire treads (and spares), brake pads, spark plugs, and fuel gauge etc etc etc…are what you would consider “cosmetic” and should be a consideration once you know that your camper van is well set-up to express your individuality.
more important things to look out for should include a check list with questions along the lines of: “does this van have a good vibe?” and “could i potentially paint over this rusted body into a dukes of hazzard red-orange if i wanted to?” these are meant as preliminary questions. further investigation should include checking the stereo set-up for i-pod configuration, making sure that your bouncing honolulu ukulele player fits on the dashboard, and whether or not it comes equipped with a top ten beer song compilation CD in the glove compartment. with these kinds of priorities taken care of, you can be sure that most autobody shops or mechanics in the middle of nowhere, australia, will be glad to charge you less for changing your radiator (because they’ll know you are just that cool).
with those major tips in mind, i’d like to share this last one which, in all honesty, is one that can be very difficult to remember. like most of the world, people drive on the left side in australia. this rule is basically constant out here (unlike samoa who changed their traffic direction overnight last week from the right to the left). make no mistake, this rule applies even when you test drive your potential vehicle. so, with this knowledge, i had the privilege of performing my first campervan test drive.
and so, we get in the car. check list: seat belts, check your mirrors, adjust the seat, start it up, find D, put down the parking brake, and off we go. before long, i’m riding and listening to all of the things that you’re apparently supposed to really listen to (brakes being quiet and responsive, motor making healthy noises…) until matthew (the owner) broke my train of thought. with a relaxed tone – the kind you use to point out an un-tied shoe lace – he tells me “you’re on the wrong side mate”. dead stop on a road with three lanes of oncoming traffic with faces staring at a ridiculous tourist who is frozen beyond belief. so, i did what any logical person would do, i asked him “what should i do?!” matthew, still cool as a cucumber, briefly advises me to wait until oncoming cars swerve around my petrified vehicle to make u-turn. once back in the proper direction, i spent the rest of the drive trying to convince matthew that he should be a driving instructor. meanwhile, i think he just wanted me to shut up and focus on the road (perhaps supporting my instructor theory). all in all, i patted myself on the back. why, you ask? because most people make the mistake of driving on the wrong side at some point or another; i just had the brilliance of making the biggest mistake on the first turn.
see you at the next turn.
